Like Father, Like Daughter

There are few things in life that I enjoy more than to watch my little girl interact with her daddy. As cliche as it may sound, it really does melt my heart whenever I see them together…always loving, always silly.

Alan is one of the most mellow, easy going person I’ve met in my life. He seriously doesn’t even know how to raise his voice, or be angry. So, whenever we have heated discussions, that just means that I’m the one who’s raising my voice and talking rapidly. He’s all about having calm, sensible discussions, and as much as I agree that compromises can be made more easily that way, my female hormones don’t seem to follow suit.

I bring this up because one of the funniest sights around our household is when we have “heated discussions” in the presence of Bridgette. I have read that it’s actually a healthy thing for children to witness, so long that we’re not using profanity or insulting one another, and so long that she sees we are still capable of loving one another after an argument. Bridgette honestly doesn’t seem bothered by it, but the funny part is when I start raising my voice and using all kinds of hand gestures while Alan listens intently. I think Bridgette feels empathy towards her daddy, because she would then sit on his lap or try to embrace him, or rub his back, or whisper “I love you daddy”…..using all kinds of ways to “comfort” him. Usually, that makes us both laugh and the tension in the room would dissipate, ending with a mandatory “family hug”. Alan always make a point to explain to Bridgette that mommy and daddy are merely having a discussion because we are trying to work out some issues, and that we have very different ways in expressing ourselves. Bridgette nods as if she understands, but we’re not entirely sure if she truly does or not. In any case, it is very sweet to see how protective she gets with Alan during those times.

With Alan’s frequent travel for work these days, we really cherish the family time that we get, even if we’re not doing much. Work has been really busy for me too this month, so it’s nice to slow down a bit on the weekends…

In the book, {Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know}, the author Margaret Meeker includes a lot of case studies from her patients to illustrate her points. One of them demonstrates how fathers are often the ones who bring pragmatism and solutions to family discussion. In Margaret’s own words,

“Men see problems differently than women do. Women analyze and want to understand; men want to solve–they want to do something. This often annoys wives and daughters, who can get swept up in thoughts and emotions, and conclude that men just don’t get it. But, that is only because (men) are less interested in talking about a problem than in doing something about it.”

Margaret goes on to explain how men’s pragmatism is important in raising their daughters. After reading this book, I have a newfound appreciation for Alan’s pragmatism and hope that it will help both of us to raise what Margaret terms a “pioneer women”. Pioneer women are opposites of “Princesses”.

“Pioneer women understand and expect that any improvement in their lives will come through their own hard work, and that they are in charge of their own happiness.”